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Friday, September 29th, 2023 07:07 pm
hello. i haven't written in a while.
i'm mostly writing for relief. venting, or something. i don't like venting to my friends so i guess a blog which nobody reads is fine.

for the longest time i've had to come to terms with the fact that i am not a normal kid like the rest of my friends. i still can't accept it. i understand i'm different, and that i'm gonna have some troubles. i try to accept that, i really do. but it hurts to see that people will forever treat me differently.
maybe if i fit the beauty standard then people would just think i'm silly instead of thinking i'm weird. i think weird people are the best, but unfortunately not many agree with me.

my own friends act differently around me than how they do around each other.

i've noticed it a while ago but it's becoming more and more obvious.
i recently figured out that they all text each other all the time and stuff. that they hang out after school. that they have similar interests and they TALK about them.
but even if i have a similar interest they just don't talk to me about it.

a friend borrowed me a book today, i read about 3 or 4 chapters in school. she talks about it with her friend who hasn't started reading yet, but only nodded when i talked about what i thought about it to her.
it's like she just brushed me off.
i don't get it. why does she talk to the other friend about it but not me when i know more about it than them? did i do something wrong? is it my fault?? i just don't understand.
it would be hard to cope with the fact that it'll be like this always, but it would certiantly be easier if i could just know why it happens. i want to know why they aren't the same type of friends with me as they are with each other. we've known each other for the same amount of time. is it my fault? am i too weird?
i don't get it.
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